Lemons

Today I made a fool out of myself, by bursting into tears when the doctor told me I have arthritis in my knee. I'm not really sure why I was crying. I think it's because I always felt that arthritis is an "old person's disease". Damn it, I don't feel a day over 40!


On the plus side, that doctor was good lookin' ! 


Me:  Does this make me officially old now.
Doc:  I don't know about that. I have arthritis.
Me: Well, you look pretty darn good, so I'll go with it.


It's nice that when life gives you lemons, they're sometimes served by a Dr. McDreamy. 

Attack of the Newfoundland

Today was a day like any other at the dog park. I am now the proud mother of two Standard Poodles, five year old Indy, and four month old Tucker.

I was sitting in my chair, minding my own business, watching "my boys" happily frolic with the other dogs. There was a HUGE Newfoundland walking around me. (When I got home I googled this breed, the males average 170 pounds!). Suddenly, it ran over and stuck his HUGE slobbery head between my legs! This dog was pushing his head into my most delicate area, like there is no tomorrow. My lady bits were in serious peril, people! I was trying to get away, pushing back in my chair, when I fell over. As I got up, trying to brush myself off , and reclaim my dignity, a man sitting about fifteen feet away called the dog.

Me: Is that your dog?

Him: Yes.

Me: Did you see what just happened?

Him: Yes.

Me: You just sat there?

Him: *silence*

Me: You're an asshole! (Mind you, I don't throw profanity around a lot).

Thank goodness I was okay.  How would I explain a massive dog bite on my vajayjay, to the ER staff??

My First Tweet-up. Part One.

I have been on Twitter for a few months now. I have been very surprised by the amount of fun I am having. I have “met” people I would never have a chance to meet in real life. I don’t think they have any idea how much I enjoy our “talks”.

I have met a lovely lady who seems to share my slightly sarcastic sense of humor. I enjoy our witty late night banter immensely. There is so much to say about her, I need another post to even start.

I have met the hard working family man. He also amuses me with his wit. He is great for very late night company, during my sometimes endless insomnia. He has been over worked, and sick lately, and I can’t believe how much I have worried about him.

I have met an awesome young man, going to his first year at college. He is living away from home for the first time. I don’t think he realizes how much I enjoy seeing this adventure through his eyes. Added bonus? He knows his apple products. He has resolved problems for me many times.

I have met a fantastic young mother from Australia. Where else would I make a friend so far away. No one here laughs with me over one of my favorite lines from a Seinfeld show, “Maybe the dingo ate your baby”, like she does. I also love learning “Aussie” words from her. Who knew Australia had it’s own language?

There are so many others i enjoy too. Mostly, younger mothers. I laugh with them, remembering for the first time in a long time, some of the antics of my own girls when they were little ones. My heart goes out to them in their day to day frustrations. No one tells you just how HARD it will be sometimes.

So, now the opportunity has come up to meet one of my “friends”. I can’t tell you how much I am looking forward to it. We share a love for late night talk show host, Craig Ferguson. What better thing to do together than attend a taping of his show?

I casually mentioned the impending meeting to my family. The reaction is too much, no really!

Munchkin: Mom, you always tell us not to talk to strangers on the internet! {I am happy to report that I have never been approached for cyber-sex, among my Twitter friends}.

Big Girl: Mom, what if she, IF she is a she, is some kind of Hannibal Lecter guy? {If they wheel her off the plane, strapped to a gurney, wearing a leather mask with metal bars covering her mouth? I’m pretty sure I’ll have the sense to high-tail it out of there}.

Mr. G: She is probably some crazed ax murderer, who wants to kill you in the audience of The Craig Ferguson Show, so she can get national attention. {I’m hoping airport security will stop her from bringing her ax on the plane. If she asks to stop at Lowe’s on the way to the show, I’ll pull over and let her out of the car}.

This all being said...I can’t wait to meet her. Despite the fact that she doesn’t like coffee (yummy!!), and loves cats (gah!), I think we will have a great time.

To be continued.....

I Love Teaching Preschool.

I have seen my preschool kids do some amusing things during class. I like to tell the parents that I have seen it all. Than a day comes along that reminds me, they can always think of new and unusual ways to make my day.

Today we were at recess. I was standing in my usual spot next to the drinking fountain. It’s a handy place to be. It is SO hot here right now, I like to be sure the kids stay hydrated. This is also the spot that you can see the whole playground.

I was watching the children happily playing in the sand box. One of the little boys got out, stood on the sidewalk next to it, and preceded to pull his pants down to his ankles. I started running toward him saying “Stop, ‘Little Guy’!”. He shuffled along a few steps, and I thought he was going to a nearby bush. Well, Little Guy had other plans. He looked at me with a big smile on his face and proceeded to pee, straight down, soaking his shorts, splashing on the sidewalk, and his shoes. A lot of pee for a three year old!

Me: What are you doing Little Guy.

Little Guy: I hadda go potty.

Me: You need to tell me, so you can go IN and use the potty.

Little Guy: Sometimes you gotta go NOW!

I guess you can’t argue with that.

Beware The Driving Munchkin

Munchkin will be the first to let you know, that on October 13, 2009, she will be fifteen and a half years old. That day is significant because, this is the day she can get her learners permit to drive. This causes me great worry. She has asked me numerous times, "Which one is the gas, and which one is the brake again?".

So, late one Saturday afternoon Hubs decided to take Munchkin out, and let her get behind the wheel. We live close to a community college. It has roads, mostly empty on weekend afternoons, which make it the perfect place to practice.

The time they were gone seemed to drag. I was imagining all sorts of horrible things happening. Finally, I hear the car pull up. Munchkin comes in the house BEAMING.

Me: How did it go?

Munchkin: It was fantastic. I only got honked at ONE time! *raises hand for a high five*.

I am SO not ready for this.

First Day of Preschool

Today was the start of a new year of preschool. I always look forward to meeting my new little ones. There are twenty-five children in the class, thirteen of them are siblings of some of my previous students. This always makes me feel good, that their children enjoyed my class in the past, and they trust me with their precious ones again.

There is such a mixed bag of emotions. The children are excited and a little apprehensive. They are three years old, and this their very first day of school, ever. The parents always look worried. You can tell they are praying that their little boy or little girl won't cry. When the children don't cry it is SO much easier to leave them.

Drop off went very well today. This class is very self confident. They came in, they followed the routine, they had fun. The only hitch? The poor little ones who don't speak any English. There are three of them. I will never understand how parents can take their beautiful children, drop them off with strangers who speak a different language, and just walk out the door.

I can speak some Spanish, enough to get by. I can even say "please listen" and "sit down", in Korean. But I don't speak Vietnamese or Arabic. They don't understand my words of comfort.

They are terrified, and there is not much I can do to help them on this first day of school. I smile, I speak in a soothing voice, and I hold them on my lap. My heart goes out to them. They will learn English so quickly. It is amazing how they learn. But today they were afraid, and I felt helpless.

Adventure in Hollywood

It's summer. To my daughters this can be a time of amazing fun, or not so much. School has been out for 2 weeks.

Daughter #2 (who will from now on in my blogs be referred to as Munchkin) has already spent a week as a volunteer at a church camp. She came home Saturday morning. After the usual 12 hours of "catch up" sleep, the dreaded words escaped her mouth. "I'm bored!" I threw out numerous suggestions of things to do, all met with "That's dumb", "Ya, right", "Noooa"...you get the idea.

Thanks to my newfound Twitter addiction, I heard that Peter Facinelli was making an appearance in Hollywood last Tuesday at 10:00 AM. Since we live about 45 minutes from the land of movie stars, I suggested we go check it out. After she got over the horror of the prospect of waking up at 7:30 AM on a summer day (GASP!), she agrees to go if she can bring a friend. To those of you who don't know who Peter is, he played Dr. Cullen, father figure to the beloved Edward in "the best movie ever made (swoon)", Twilight.

I load the two half asleep girls in the car at 8:30. You never know how LA traffic will be. We arrive at Hollywood and Vine in plenty of time. Peter isn't there yet. The girls are still sleepy and standing on the sidewalk, in the sun, with dozens of other Twilight fans. This is suddenly starting to seem like a stupid idea. Munchkin is giving me that "why must you torture me like this" look.

Suddenly, the crowd roars and there he is. "OMG mom! There he is!!!!" The appearance is made and now it's time to go. People rush him. He agrees to a couple of pictures. Suddenly, Munchkin asks him if he will take one more. This shocks the heck out of me because she is a little on the timid side. He says sure and Munchkin and Friend get on each side of him. My hands start to shake with the camera. This is a make or break picture. I'm either the hero or the idiot mom who messed up Munchkin's once in a lifetime picture. I hold my breath and take the shot. Then he is gone.

Munchkin and Friend grab the camera out of my hand. They rush to the shade to look at the picture. They look, they squeal, they start jumping up and down. "OH MY GAWD!". The picture is fantastic. "Mom, I will NEVER make fun of you for being on twitter again!". I heard Peter is doing an autograph signing at 4:00. I casually suggest we get the photo blown up to 8 x 10, and see if he will sign it. "THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, MOM!!!" They aren't even worried about trying to fill the 5 hours until the signing.

We decide to do some tourist stuff. We look at sidewalk stars, and hand prints and foot prints at Mann's Chinese theater. We have lunch at Pink's. We finally get the photograph blown up...it looks great.

After waiting in a 2 hour line, it's finally our turn to see Peter. They put the picture on the table in front of him. He looks at it for a long time. With a big smile on his face he says "This is a great picture! Who gets to keep the autograph?" "Don't worry" Munchkin says, "We have two of them!" He laughs and signs one for each of them. "To 'Munchkin' ♡ Peter Facinelli". The most amazing written words Munchkin has ever seen!

The girls literally float to the car. As we are driving home Munchkin says "You are the GREATEST MOMMY EVER!!!". I LOVE it when my 15 year old calls me Mommy!

I will still make many mistakes in the eyes of the teenager, but on this day I got it right.

Friend Munchkin