Lemons

Today I made a fool out of myself, by bursting into tears when the doctor told me I have arthritis in my knee. I'm not really sure why I was crying. I think it's because I always felt that arthritis is an "old person's disease". Damn it, I don't feel a day over 40!


On the plus side, that doctor was good lookin' ! 


Me:  Does this make me officially old now.
Doc:  I don't know about that. I have arthritis.
Me: Well, you look pretty darn good, so I'll go with it.


It's nice that when life gives you lemons, they're sometimes served by a Dr. McDreamy. 

Attack of the Newfoundland

Today was a day like any other at the dog park. I am now the proud mother of two Standard Poodles, five year old Indy, and four month old Tucker.

I was sitting in my chair, minding my own business, watching "my boys" happily frolic with the other dogs. There was a HUGE Newfoundland walking around me. (When I got home I googled this breed, the males average 170 pounds!). Suddenly, it ran over and stuck his HUGE slobbery head between my legs! This dog was pushing his head into my most delicate area, like there is no tomorrow. My lady bits were in serious peril, people! I was trying to get away, pushing back in my chair, when I fell over. As I got up, trying to brush myself off , and reclaim my dignity, a man sitting about fifteen feet away called the dog.

Me: Is that your dog?

Him: Yes.

Me: Did you see what just happened?

Him: Yes.

Me: You just sat there?

Him: *silence*

Me: You're an asshole! (Mind you, I don't throw profanity around a lot).

Thank goodness I was okay.  How would I explain a massive dog bite on my vajayjay, to the ER staff??